February 11, 2015
English to become only official language of European Union
In stunning news, and largely unreported is the report that the European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will become the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. The EC recommends reading the following statement aloud for maximum understanding:
As part of the overall negotiations, the British Government has conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and accepted a five year phase-in plan to bring about what will become known as Euro-English.
During the first year of the phase-in, the letter "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing pulik enthusiasm in the sekond year of the plan when the troublesome "ph" will be replased with "f". This will make words like fotograf twenty percent shorter.
During the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the fourth yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl.
Zer wil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German jest lik zey vunted in ze forst plas.